January 12, 2011
It is very slow finding your way through a minefield like the holidays. We did so well! We had some genuine moments of joy, even though there were also many crying times. There is a lot of pain in discarding family traditions that are fractured for us without Morgan taking her part in them.
Like: Morgan was always the best at deciphering the treasure hunt clues for the “biggest” gift. We won’t / can’t play that game anymore.
Like: Morgan loved those chocolate crinkle cookies that you refrigerate and you roll in powdered sugar. I would only make them at Christmas time. Morgan had a sixth sense of exactly when, and inevitably find the refrigerated dough and would eat the majority before we could get the cookies baked. We won’t / can’t make that recipe any more.
Like: Morgan had what appeared to be a giant green metallic scrunchie with bells all over it. She would force our dog, Kirby, to wear his “jingle bell necklace” at Christmas. Kirby is sort of schizoid and afraid of his own shadow, so you can imagine how funny his response to this Christmas dress up attire was. Morgan thought it was a riot. We won’t/ can’t do that anymore. (Kirby is profoundly grateful for the reprieve; but I will miss the silliness)
Like: Morgan was notorious for taking one little nibble from most of the chocolates in a box, and then putting them back in her quest for her favorite caramels. Many repetitions of “if you bite it, you eat it” made her change her ways. Instead, to get around the no bite rule, she started poking her finger in the bottom of each one instead! We won’t / can’t have chocolates as sweet ever again.
These memories of Morgan are difficult to contemplate. I tend to neutralize the bitterness of such thoughts here. Somehow, writing about feelings that are painful is like removing the splinter or shard of glass from a wound before it festers. As with those excision, writing about Morgan and our grief is perhaps painful, but ultimately promotes healing and growth.
There are not enough words, or paper, or keystrokes to help us “get over” this loss; however, I do see a way through by sharing my feelings to dilute the anguish so that we are able to “get beyond” this tragedy.
Thank each of you for caring enough to carry us as we move through this rough landscape of life with out Morgan Dana Harrington.
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