Re-entry from our week at the beach has been hard. You can loose yourself in the vastness of the sea and drown the memories that fight for attention. Since returning we have all been on the skids, not sure exactly why. Could be that the cumulative grief load has finally grown into an incapacitating, crippling mass.

I have lost some of the emotional equilibrium that I had gathered and find myself again rapidly cycling several times a day. At moments I’m standing on a shaky platform of OK and then am seized by despair. Today’s trigger was walking into a store featuring back to school/decorate your dorm stuff. It took my breath away. Had to jettison my list and leave.

It’s not that I begrudge others the pleasure of this nesting and planning, rather its that it brings floods of memories of how Morgan and I planned and shopped to launch her into her “grown up” life at VT. Hopes and dreams for Morgan’s life were ended by a savage murder.

I watch young fresh faced girls and their mamas searching for the perfect set of sheets for college. My experience of that shared activity is tainted by my overlay, because my memory is of cutting Morgan’s perfect college sheets off her bed and bagging them as scent items for dogs. That thought cascade pulls me right back down again into the rabbit hole of WHY?

It’s a tough place we’ve been forced into, an ugly world of sadness /death/ DNA/ and murder. This is where Morgan’s death has taken us and so we must follow as well as we can. We are able to soldier on because  the love, support, and prayers of many holds us up. The past 9 months have been full of uncertainty and darkness but we seek to give birth to truth and to find answers, not for retribution but to protect the next girl. I’m not looking for satisfaction. What I’m after is safety, so that another precious life is not ended by this evil.

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9 Responses to “Gil Harrington’s thoughts from July 16th, 2010”

  1. Lyn says:

    Last week I also noticed the department had been restocked with back-to-school items. Such a breathtaking sight as I thought of all that had changed in less than a year’s time. The highs and lows of grief are surely the teacher, and as you decribe the shell giving way to the tide, there go I.

    Thinking of you and your family, may you find the way to thrive.

    241

  2. Christie says:

    My heart hurts for you. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. So, I continue to pray for God to comfort you and to bring forth justice.

  3. tcaros says:

    Just read a story a few minutes ago of a Jenna Lord, 23, found today in Camden NJ. She was going to get on a train, but never made it home from a 4th of July celebration.

    They have a tape of 2 men following her at the train station where she was last seen. They haven’t released any pictures of the 2 susptects. This was early morning, which is different from Morgan’s abduction and the Fairfax assualt.

  4. tcaros says:

    If you can have the Virginia Police call the Camden Police Department and get a copy of the tape. They have 2 suspects following this 23 year-old girl who was found dead later. I’d have them get a copy of the tape before someoene erases it or loses it. You now how the police are with tapes.

  5. ann says:

    Buddhists are very clear about the impermanence of all things. All thoughts, all feelings, each of us, our lives – short or long. Love , however, endures, permeating all created manifestations.

    Your grief will ebb and flow, maybe even overflow sometimes. But the Love which created Morgan (and Alex, and you and Dan) and which she basked in for 21 years, will never be far away, only seemingly so.
    One breath at a time. . .

  6. sandra says:

    Anger…everytime you watch the news another child/young adult…gone. Just catching a train, taking a short cut home, walking to a friends and on and on….WHY? What has happened that our children are no longer safe…anywhere? I remember all us neighbor children walking to the store, spending hours in the woods and riding our bikes all over the place. Now you can’t even let one out in your front yard. Have we been taken over by complete evil or has our nation turned against God? I don’t know but it makes me sick for my daughter and someday my grandchildren.

    I pray for you everyday.

  7. tcaros says:

    The 23 year old woman, Jenna Lord, who was found dead in Camden just days ago had a history of drug use. The one man who led the family and police to the body says he did drugs with the young woman the day she was last seen at the train station. The police are questioning him and looking at the video tape. I don’t think this is the same killer(s) because these two are white and the suspected killer of Morgan is black.

    As I was relating this information I noted in the news that Lindsay Lohan the 24 year old actress is going to jail for alcohol abuse and a DUI charge.

    The thought entered my mind that we have a deep problem with our young woman and the choices they are making. There’s no excuse for these heinous murderers and animals that prey on our young woman, but why are so many choosing a destructive path that puts them in a killers site?

    We have a pyschological problem with man and women, relationships, and dealing with sexuality in our society. It’s all twisted up.

  8. Karen from C'ville says:

    Recently, I saw just a glimpse of the evil that walks the earth and I am still having a hard time wrapping my mind around it. God is in the equasion somewhere, but I have yet to understand how He fits in to the picture. I often ask why God can’t just intervene when one of His creatures are being attaccked. I can only guess it has something to do with free will-but then why does the victim not get to exert their free will in those times? I pray to God that some day; some moment in time, we will have have the answers. I can honestly say that right now it feels like evil is winning here on Earth but deep down, I know that evil’s reign will be short lived. All I can do is pray-pray for all that is good on Earth.

  9. sandra says:

    TO TCAROS:

    Your post make no sense and I’m not sure why you are putting this kind of information on Morgan’s site. No matter what a young or old person does it doesn’t give anyone the right to take their life. We ALL make mistakes….out of respect you should consider your posts before you put them on here.

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