Evil does exist and life can be savage at times. Despite that, I know love will persist and goodness continues. I hold fast to this truth as I stumble in sadness and fear, knowing my sight will acclimate to the darkness soon and I’ll learn to navigate this shadow land with ease.
I wish I could hurry the process along. I yearn for ease and a lightening of our burden. But grief has its own clock and doesn’t seem to care about my time frame at all. I believe healing could occur more readily if I got out of the way and allowed it to unfold.
My knee jerk is to meet a problem with strength, shoulder it, attack it, wrestle it, oppose it. Regrettably, there’s no dominating Death or her sister Grief. I want to be a force for good, but realize that force is impotent here. To process Morgan’s death in a healthy way I must develop a whole new survival skill set based on submission and surrender. Dan will confirm that those attributes are pretty foreign to my character.
Am being forced to change and grow and yield? I hope my pigheaded resistance will be short lived and I learn to stop throwing myself against the rock and instead flow around it. Intellectually, I understand, but my anguished heart still can’t stop screaming WHY?
My little Mogo, 241