March 10, 2010
We are so fragile, raw, more fear based, which is not our typical state. We find ourselves locking up and checking up more at home. Dan gets anxious if he calls me more than 3 times and I don’t answer – afraid that I’ve been taken too. Baseline, I am sloppy about the cell phone. I leave it in the car, or at home, or don’t turn it on, or neglect to recharge it consistently. Seeing the fear in his eyes, I resolve to change my behavior.
Normally, I consider myself to be fairly strong and grounded. After Morgan was abducted and killed, I find I am not so sure of myself and easily overwhelmed. Regular stuff is more difficult. Even dropping the dog off at the vet is traumatic in a way. Ever since our girl didn’t come back, all leave-takings are pain filled.
Every single task I put my hand to reminds me of Morgan. I cook broccoli and start to reflexively put a portion aside for her. Morgan liked margarine, not butter like the rest of the family. These numerous meaningless incidentals in the course of my day invoke Morgan and pull me up short with a blast of grief and loss. It’s like ripping the scab off a wound over and over and over. Will this ever heal?
2 4 1
Hello.
I am so moved and have to say inspired. Yet that might seem like a cold word , but believe me it only comes from love. I am not a mother and at age 41 I think my time has passed.
I have a mother and wonder what would she do if any thing ever happen to me, how would she go on.
She would do I hope all the things you are doing. She would hope that love has to be stronger than evil.
Maybe she would give her time and energy to helping other children survive this chaotic world we live in. She would want her neighbors to cry and be just as emotional as she would be and angry if not pissed off when they weren’t. We are not library books, with a time frame for emotion and then put back on the shelf.
My mom would be as animalistic as all mothers of murder children, that is a hard word to write but it has to be written, it happens everyday, what does society not get.
My mom would smell my bed, my clothes, my cat, my wallet, my shoes, my pictures . Why would she act any different from animals in the zoo, the wild, the jungle?
If she didn’t I would worry that she wouldn’t make it through this and I would want her to make it through this.
You will make it through this .
I will work hard at love everyday because of you.
JK NY City.
Gil and Dan…I am still praying for you. I have followed your story since October 17th….my own daughter’s 19th birthday. I have admired your strength,courage, and love for your family from afar. I hold you up in my prayers and thoughts every single day. Blessings…Tammy Moore, Birmingham, AL
My son was born less than a month after your dear Morgan. I simply cannot imagine and, frankly, work very hard not to imagine, what you are going through. I pray it gets easier for you. I don’t know how it can. My heart aches over your loss. I pray Spirit will bring you moments of great comfort.
Oh my. Math was never my strong suit. My son was born a month before your dear Morgan. Not a month after. Not that it matters, yet I needed to correct that. I know that I will have Morgan on my mind on his birthday. They never met (I asked him) but they had a couple of mutual friends. I wish they could have met. I think they would have enjoyed each other’s friendship. Her sense of humor reminds me of his.
Dear Gil,
You are strong but not strong enough to do this alone. I believe each of us affected by an unimaginable tragedy, even the strongest of us, is sometimes too much to bear. That’s when I believe there can no longer be one set of footprints walking down the path you are walking, but two. Today I pray that God walks with you, and as He walks with you, I pray that you will experience an inexplicable strength and peace that surpasses all understanding, blessing you with a divine hope that conquers all of your fears. God Bless You.
Yes, it will heal. For you the process will be faster and smoother because of your forgiveness and openness to reality. Like broken bones, broken hearts take time to heal also. You cannot just jump up and run as before, but need time, just like a patient in a recovery room, to sit still and save all your energy for healing. Take your time, don’t be afraid of your fear, but let your heart and mind continue to tell you what you need to get through each step, and each stage. You are doing beautifully, and helping so many people in addition to yourself. As for Dan and his fears, I pledge to work with him and other families in the medical profession affected by criminal illness and fatal tragedies and trauma that occur from this going untreated. Like any other dangerous disease, it must be diagnosed and treated early and fully; and one day, these things will be contained and not threatening people on a daily basis. That is a longterm goal, but for now, my concern and loving prayers are for you. To immerse yourself in nothing but positive healing energy and removing anything negative to the contrary. May you continue to attract, circulate, motivate and multiply only the very best thoughts and efforts to see you on your way. You and your family are just beautiful, and none of your gifts are wasted. Even the potential you fear was lost is flowing in heaven and reaching and moving more people than before. So fear not, and just continue to receive the very best which you all deserve. These sacrifices and suffering will not be in vain, but will bring greater rejoicing that shall outweigh even your darkest days. My thoughts, love and prayer to you, your family and friends, and all the lives and people that you touch. God bless, take care, take time, and feel the love and healing that is working its way slowly and surely, removing every obstacle in its path that does not belong there. When we lose someone like Morgan, it tears a big hole in the fabric of life; but it also pulls everyone around us closer in to fill in that gap. We are made stronger and closer to God. And the bonds we reinforce when we close these gaps in the human network, prevent other people from slipping through next time. So one day, there will be no more separation or suffering, death or destruction. Because of people like you and Morgan, and the love of your family that you chose to share with the world. Thank you for that, and may the blessings and rewards continue to multiply in the days ahead, lending you support and love to see you through. With love and thanks, from Emily in Houston
Mrs. Harrington:
I wish I could take away your pain but having gone through a similar nightmare as yours I can tell you that it will get better, never gone but bearable. Just reach out when you need to talk be it a counselor, friend anyone.
Your peace will come.