March 8, 2010
Death is a stark harsh landscape – like a desert- and like a desert has its own beauty. Stripping the extraneous nonessentials away from something often exposes an innate and poignant beauty. Death reveals the incandescent spirit housed in a body. I do realize though that the dying process isn’t easy, or even often very pretty. Much like birth, death provokes intrinsic, genuine and fundamental emotions. I want those feelings – every shred of them.
I am not sure if I am just wired strangely, but like a dog, I want to roll in it. I want to experience every single aspect of Morgan’s murder and death- feel her bones, wear her shoes, and sniff her clothes. I am not sure if I am trying to imprint the last of her indelibly in my mind, or if I indulge in such intimacies to try to have the reality of her absence penetrate my disbelief. It was my privilege to watch Morgan come into this world; somehow it is also my duty to contemplate her death. I will try to witness the end of Morgan’s life with the same clarity and anticipation as I saw at her birth on July 24, 1989.
I will cherish and acknowledge Morgan’s spirit now that she is dead to the same degree I did when she had a body. How could I do otherwise?
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Gil, you are not wired strangely. Instead of a Morgan, I have a Megan, and if this were Megan, I would do the same thing. It sounds strange but I would immerse myself in her death as much as her birth and her life. Morgan was and still is a part of you. I understand the Mother-Daughter bond, it’s beyond explanation. Morgan is blessed to have such a wonderful Mother. God Bless and 2-4-1.
Gil – To hear you put into words the raw pain you are feeling at Morgan’s loss, while at the same time respecting and treasuring the never ending bond between mother and daughter is deeply touching, and yet profoundly heartbreaking. You are not strange, you are merely able to express in words the inescapable feelings that any parent would have upon losing a child in such a sudden and horrendous way. May your love for Morgan, and her love for you, Dan, and Alex live on forever. Please know that many people on this site respect you tremendously and are thinking of you and your family.
Being wired strangely is a blessing. It helps you withstand the painful depths of sorrow and despair that you otherwise could not withstand under any other circumstances.
hi im from ireland and just watched a programm about morgans dissapearanve.i i then checked it out on the net and cant believe the massive intrest this has got.i feel so sorry for her mom and dad.hope they cant the murderer soon .take care