As a family we are taking on water. Valiantly trying, but sinking nonetheless because we have lost the joy of being.

We have the work component down in spades. We do the work to sustain each other. The work to fulfill our roles in the community. The work of our jobs. We are prodigious taskers. The work gives us direction.

But 7 months in, we are all coming up against- why bother? What does it matter?

I know a steady diet of only work won’t sustain us. We need a reason to keep moving forward. The joy of living, but we don’t really feel OK with joy right now. It is kind of like we think feeling joy is selling out on Morgan; but we know that if we don’t find it we will sell out on life itself.

Dan and I have always had an undercurrent of lightness and fun between us. We revel in our relationship. But this is such a hard, hard place. We need that little circuit of joy, however we can’t see past our poor dead Morgan. The empty room, the neatened closet, all flat. Even her car has died. (Need to call for a jump.) We all need a jump-start, Morgan’s car, Dan, Alex, and me. Get some energy flowing so we can start moving forward again.

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4 Responses to “Gil Harrington’s thoughts from May 21, 2010”

  1. Karen from C'ville says:

    Mrs. Harrington,

    Morgan would want you to be happy and love what’s beautiful in life. Try to do that for her and in that you will be honoring and remembering her every moment of each day. Your path is different now and you may in time see what work you will be doing that will have a positive and significant impact on you as well as others.Life is full of meaning and purpose-no matter how painful.

  2. Dakota says:

    I agree with Karen . Morgan after learning to know her through your eyes gave me the impression joy was a huge part of her life and family . Morgan even today can bring you joy as painful as it is now . I am convinced Morgan’s work here on earth will carry on in ways we earthly beings cannot live up to . Morgan needs you to be happy as you can be as she left behind plenty of work she entrusted her parents to carry on as she rest .

    As hard as it is to explain and I am rarely at a loss for words Morgan’s tragedy and your unfair loss will do earthly work to protect our children entrusted to Morgan’s family the average family would not be strong enough to do .

    Please , even if only for a few moments a day – BE HAPPY , Morgan would be sad if you weren’t !

    May I suggest a little jump start of Morgan’s car ,a tank of gas and pack Dan in there even if he looks like a giraffe in a roller skate and take a ride on the parkway or somewhere Morgan loved to go as a child . Take the time to get away , take Morgan’s car and her beautiful spirit will you and just GO . Find somewhere to talk , scream , throw rocks and even cry but make sure you find somewhere to stop and smile .


  3. tammy says:

    As lonely and empty as you feel right now there is still purpose. The pain and the burn in your heart will heal. It is hard to see pass the right now, but it will come. There will always be tears, but less of them with time. Morgan will forever live on in all the lives she impacted. She made a difference. Her purpose was fulfilled. Hold on to each other. Feel each others pain. Lean on each other. Grow stronger minute by minute together. Don’t let him win. Don’t allow him to kill all of you. Remember her, miss her, feel your pain, but NEVER give up. May the Lord Bless you in this time.

  4. Michele says:

    You, your family, and your beautiful Morgan are in my constant prayers.

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