As a family we are taking on water. Valiantly trying, but sinking nonetheless because we have lost the joy of being.
We have the work component down in spades. We do the work to sustain each other. The work to fulfill our roles in the community. The work of our jobs. We are prodigious taskers. The work gives us direction.
But 7 months in, we are all coming up against- why bother? What does it matter?
I know a steady diet of only work won’t sustain us. We need a reason to keep moving forward. The joy of living, but we don’t really feel OK with joy right now. It is kind of like we think feeling joy is selling out on Morgan; but we know that if we don’t find it we will sell out on life itself.
Dan and I have always had an undercurrent of lightness and fun between us. We revel in our relationship. But this is such a hard, hard place. We need that little circuit of joy, however we can’t see past our poor dead Morgan. The empty room, the neatened closet, all flat. Even her car has died. (Need to call for a jump.) We all need a jump-start, Morgan’s car, Dan, Alex, and me. Get some energy flowing so we can start moving forward again.
2 4 1