As big as the to-do list is makes it easier to go and bury yourself there than face the immensity of Morgan’s murder. We have worked phenomenally hard for this entire first year to find JUSTICE FOR MORGAN and at the same time to distract ourselves from the wasteland of loss and sadness that constantly threatens to overwhelm.
I think it is time for us to gear down our busyness and let the grief do its work; to shape us and open us through suffering. These are natural rhythms, which must be allowed to express; to resist is futile and tiring. A year of holding back the tide has proven that.
I do believe that the intrinsic direction of life is towards wholeness and healing; you can’t get lost or stuck in the broken places. Faith is the certainty that if you hold on long enough you can participate in renewal. You can choose to grow and become more because of your loss and reject its destructive potential. I saw this done elegantly by Susan J. on the bridge for Morgan’s memorial dedication in Charlottesville on October 17, 2010.
Susan had avoided Charlottesville entirely since her beloved husband died there some years ago; the pain was too great. But Susan had been forged into a new stuff by grief; she leaned into her pain and found strength to stand and offer her compassion to lessen our hurt. I saw her standing there holding a big old sign “JUSTICE FOR MORGAN” with courage and love just pouring out of her.
I am learning from master teachers all around, this is the way.