Grief is not an all or nothing process; like we are ok or we are in despair. There is a lot of wiggle room, not frank polarity which would be so much simpler. There are moments we all do well and there are times we fake it like crazy and it is sort of convinces. The problem is that when you have to do that, fake it, to make our pain tolerable/acceptable to others and self – it is just exhausting.
I am tired of growing, and trying, and following the rough path. I want it smooth and easy for a bit; we are due. I am just confounded that this is ours to walk – so damn hard. Then I remember the journey our daughter took. Morgan’s path ended with her shattered body strewn in a field and I am shamed by my weakness and my fatigue and I find motivation to soldier on for a little more. We must find some answers, some justice before we can put this down.
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